I’ve come to the realization that my brain goes to
some crazy places throughout the day so as much as I try to keep my post
relevant to what a larger scale of women, moms, wife’s might feel, this post
might be a stretch. Here’s to hoping ya’ll can relate to my crazy thoughts or
at least be entertained with a day inside the head of Gentry Jones. Maybe I
should write this post as my alias Gwendolyn Jabali….just to be safe.
5:15 am—I get up and make a cup of coffee. I open
the cupboard to get the creamer, “UGH” I forgot I’m out of creamer. Dang it I
guess I’m going to have to use milk, I don’t really love my coffee with milk
but I definitely don’t like it black! I open the fridge “F-WORD! Mr. Chocolate
Milk boy finished the milk last night” “Ughh no milk, I can’t drink it without
milk. Maybe I should just dump it out and forgo coffee this morning.” “No way
this is K-cup coffee that one K-cup was like $1.17 including tax.” “Well maybe
I could just give it to Andy?” “Ugh..I don’t want to give it to Andy if I want
my caffeine/I need it!!!” (I often argue with myself in my head!) This is about
the time I saw a bottle of breast milk on the bottom shelf. I know what you are
thinking ‘SHE DIDN’T’ well… “Oh my gosh would that be totally gross if I used
my own milk?” “Why would it? I mean we drink milk from a cow…what is really
more gross?” “But it is my OWN milk.. is that like some form of cannibalism?” “That’s
just ridiculous.” “This milk isn’t easy to come by, should I really be stealing
from my baby like that?” “Have you looked at your baby, he’s clearly not
starved and you pumped more milk than he needs for today.” “Ok, I’m going to
use it, it really can’t be that weird right…? It’s just milk? Oh no what if I
like it? What if I start pumping for the sole purpose to use it in my coffee?
What if I don’t have my pump with me when I need a boobie milk creamer fix…
what kind of things will I resort to? And what’s next? I’ve drank my own milk,
next thing you know it I’m drinking my own urine? If I do this will I have to
get one of those snake eating itself tattoos?” “OMG it’s just milk, put it in
your coffee and just go get ready!!” “I’M DOIN’ IT!” I grab the bottle and
quietly check around the corner to make sure my hubby isn’t up. “Mmmm good
leche!!” “Oh no!! Andy knew we were out of milk. What if he sees my coffee is a
lighter color and questions where I got the milk/cream.” “Gentry, Andy doesn’t
even notice when you get your hair cut you think he’s going to notice the color
of your coffee?” “Good point Gentry… Thanks for calming me down!!”
6:30 a.m.—Andy finally gets up… he manages to
shower, shave, get dressed, and drink two cups a coffee in a whopping 10
minutes. I watch this in amazement. “Man it sure must be nice to be a boy! Maybe
I should cut my hair short, stop wearing makeup, get a boob reduction…” “ha what
boobs?” “shut up!” “…and live life like an easy going care free dude.” This is
about the time Andy and I make eye contact. “Oh no he’s on to me… he knows
something… Does he know I experimented with my own lactation...? Do I have a
milk mustache? Does he know I want to be a dude? Should I just come clean
now!?! STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE JUDGMENTAL EYES!!!” I scoot my coffee out
of sight and try to appear more feminine. Andy gives me a confused look, shakes
his head, and leaves the bathroom. “Yeah you better keep walking!!! Whoa that
was a close one!! I almost confessed my inner most personal thoughts to my
husband!! How embarrassing would that be if those got out!?!!”
7:15 a.m.-- As we are getting out the door, Beckham
is choosing this high stress moment to test my patience! I’m thinking “I’m a
fairly calm patient person, yet I want to lose my cool and smack this little
boy…Of course I would never!!! It’s like I never want to actually paper cut my
husband’s balls, but I think about it sometimes! My point is I’m pretty calm
but he sure likes to test that, how do people with real anger issues have kids?
I feel bad for those kids.” (Rule #3-Don’t go calling CPS…again… I really don’t
and never will hit my kids!! I’m just expressing my frustration getting out the
door. Plus Becks often gets in trouble for being aggressive, like hitting and
throwing things. I believe using aggression in an attempt to teach a child to not be aggressive is extremely confusing.
Often the calmer I stay the quicker I get him to obey (sometimes a lot easier
said than done). BUT to each their own!! As for paper cutting my husband’s
balls…? Ok I do occasionally consider that!)
7:20 a.m.—We get in the car and drive down the road.
At the stop sign I think. “The mountain looks B-E-A-utiful! I should just turn
right and drive to it right now! Skip work, take the kids on a field trip,
after the mountain maybe head to Seattle to surprise my sissy!?! turn
left=work=lame…turn right=adventure=fun!” This is where turning 25 has really
been a fun sucker. “No, you can’t do that! You would lose your job, then you
wouldn’t have an income, you would lose your car, possibly your house. People
would see you as unreliable!” “Ughhh so glad you decided to join us prefrontal cortex. You’ve forced me to focus my thoughts, control
my impulses and to weigh possible consequences…where were you when I thought
self-waxing would be a good idea?? Life was a lot more fun before you started
talking!! I don’t like that name Prefrontal Cortex… it’s too long, if you are
going to come around I need to give you a cool nickname like Pref Co..?
P-front C-tex…? Ohh or PC-Tex….?” “Turn
left” “Yes Ma’am… PC Pimpin’…!?”
7:45a.m.—I get the kids
to daycare, enjoy my 2 second sigh that the responsibility has successfully been
passed (do a quick prayer for Carri), and switch my brain to work mode!!
10:00a.m.—I catch
myself day dreaming. “Is it weird that I am day dreaming about doing Kim
Kardashians tax return right now? Could you imagine all of the Schedule C’s and
K-1’s she must have!!?! I wonder how much tax she has to pay each year...? What
kind of tax breaks do people that make bazillion dollars get? Can she use her glam
squad as a tax write off? This year she will get to claim a dependent, which
will surely help her out a lot!! Haha jk with as much as she makes it won’t
help her at all muhahaha take that rich parents!” “Get back to work!” “Hello! I
was wondering when you were going to chime in Pre Cor…? Pref-C…? PC-Tex
thuggin’..?!? “GET BACK TO WORK!” “Ok…but this isn’t over! You’ll have a
nickname by the end of the day!”
12:15 p.m.—“Should I quit
my job join a traveling interpretive dance team and pursue a creative writing
career on the side?” “No!” “Fair enough… I miss my kids!!”
3:15p.m.—As I’m waiting for the copier at work and contemplating
where I’m going to get my snake eating itself tattoo, I decide I want to get a
pet turtle, and name him Sam.
5:15p.m.—“YAY!! I get
to go pick up my boys!! I’m so excited!! I’ve missed them sooo much!! I love
them more than I can even describe! I feel bad for getting mad at Beckham this
morning! I’m going to give him extra positive attention tonight.” I walk in the
door, feeling high with love…when I’m met with Beckham throwing a block at the
window, him refusing to put his shoes on, him crying that he wants to stay at
Coco’s house, he won’t get in the car unless he can bring a stick, hits me with
the stick as I’m driving, I take the stick so he takes his shoes off and throws
them, he tries to get out of his car seat, meanwhile Brody is screaming because
he hates the car.
5:30p.m.—I pull up to
our house… “Only 14 more hours until I get to go back to work!!”
5:45p.m.—Beckham‘s on
the counter helping me make dinner and when I say “helping” I mean it’s kinda
like eating oreos while brushing your teeth. As I’m getting slightly irritated
that Beckham is making cooking more challenging, he says “I like cooking with
you momma! What should we make next?” I think “Oh isn’t that so sweet!! I like
cooking with him too…OK I know it is a little messier with him in the kitchen
but I’d rather us be spending time together then sitting him in front of the
T.V. the whole time I’m making dinner. Plus, what if I get him excited about
cooking at a young age, then he could start making dinners and I won’t have
too. He could become a famous chef, have his own T.V. show on food network, and
I could be his momager!! J STAGE MOM HERE I COME!!” “Easy there Gwendolyn…
just enjoy the time you are getting to spend with him!”
6:00p.m.—The dinner recipe
calls for milk… “Dang it I forgot to stop and get milk.” “I know where you
could find some milk! J” “OH no… not this again!!!!”
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP...? CUZ I'M LOOKING FOR IDEAS!"
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