THE IMPERFECT MOMENTS OF MOTHERHOOD

Less than a year ago, when I was a weee little 25 year old just starting life as a working mother of two, I LOVED giving positive advice on how we moms should try to stay in shape! Plan ahead!! Think positive!! Enjoy every minute! BE PERFECT!! Well guess what ya’ll..? I have a confession.. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!! Dear weee little 25 year old momma… you’re cute!! I mean it’s sweet that you are trying to conquer the world! But you can’t… Sorry… Do not pass go, do not collect $200 (Dang I could have used that 200 bucks for Costco diapers and formula!!)

 

I recently found myself feeling like I was leading a double life. I try to portray to the world/social media/my blog/day to day interactions that I am doing it all and loving every minute!! It’s just not true!! I am frustrated, I am overwhelmed, I am forgetful, I want to do it ALL and do it all WELL but I can’t and that angers me. And work out? HA… my exercise schedule consists of 10-15 squats every time I go to the bathroom at work!! I’m guilty of lashing out at my husband with unreasonable complaints and often feel like my feet are glued to the bottom of a wave pool. As soon as I finally get a gasp of air another waves engulfs my face! I’m never submerged long enough to drown but I’m barely surviving!! So yes we should strive to do better, feel better, be better BUT young mom I would be foolish to not also warn you about the imperfect moments of motherhood. 

Dear young mom, you might get fat… or even unhealthily skinny. You might get stretch marks and imperfections. (No I won’t! NEVER! I won’t let myself!) Yes you will. I don’t know if you know this, but your body created another life, you passed a CHILD not a burrito!! Becoming a mother takes a toll on you physically, and you will no longer have as much free time to work out. Good news is that baby daddy will look like a huge A-hole if he leaves you for getting fat!! J You might not be perfect now or ever again and it’s OK. 

Dear young mom, Plan ahead all you won’t, you WILL still fall behind. Lists and schedules are work, and you won’t always be able to keep them up. Also, planning is based on known variables; unfortunately there are sometimes more unknown variables than known. (LIES.. The only way to survive is by my schedule!! I’ll make it work!!) You WILL fall behind, things won’t get done on time, and it is OK! Try to remember that it is often during the unknown variables that the best memories are created.

Dear young mom, you will not always be able to think positive. You will feel overwhelmed and feel unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. (Because that light is 18 years from now so that is a long freakin’ tunnel!) You will have times where the piles are stacking up around you and you are unable to focus on anything except how badly you are failing. (No, I won’t let myself. I will just remind myself to focus on the positive!!) And you will focus on the positive again, but there will be days you cannot see it. Let yourself experience those feeling, close your eyes, take a deep breath and repeat after me, “you are a good mom, wife, and employee.” Try to take it one step at a time and know ALL moms feel this way at one time, another, or all the time… and it is OK!!

Dear young mom, you will not enjoy every minute. As much as less young mom’s tell you to “enjoy every minute of your kids this age!” (because their child is now a grown hoodlum smokin’ pot and blowing up mail boxes) you will not enjoy every minute! You will feel like you hate your life, kids and body. (OMG! You are bat sh*t crazy.… WHO SAYS THAT? I ADORE MY KIDS!!) Trust me… You will have minutes you hate it all, but you will quickly know you DO NOT by the overwhelming guilt you feel after having those brief thoughts. Try to not beat yourself up for not enjoying every minute. Know you are not alone and all moms feel this way from time to time, and it is OK.

Dear young mom, you will NOT be perfect. You will forget things constantly. You will misplace clothes, papers, toys, and misc. crap. You will get overwhelmed. You will feel like there is not enough time in the day. You house will be a mess. Your body will continue to be victim of gravity and the tolls of motherhood. You will write blogs about being perfect and doing it all than cry tears of frustration that your world is piling up around you and you don’t know where to start (…Or maybe that is just me!! :-/ ). You will lose your cool. You will beat yourself up for not being more patient with your kids. You will feel like you are failing as a mom, wife, friend, and employee.  You will feel like you are failing as the chef, maid, caregiver, manager, personal organizer, and executive problem solver. But you are not! You are the CEO of your household, it is a BIG job. Find peace in the fact that you are doing the best you can, all mom’s feel this way, and it will ALWAYS be OK!!

JUST A MOM AND HER "DAY OFF!"

Thank Goodness! A day off from work! I really need it!!! I have big plans for you Mr. Day Off.. Can I call you Day? I’m going to sleep in, relax and spend some much needed time with my boys! But first I need to get the laundry and dishes done, exercise, pay bills, organize a menu for the week, grocery shop, prep food, unwind with some trashy T.V., pick out my work clothes, iron, organize the boy’s clothes, go buy them new socks and shorts, clean out the fridge, clean the bathroom, clean up outside, and THEN enjoy the outdoors with my boys and most definitely relax with a nice Zen bubble bath.  EEEE I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Tomorrow:

 “Well good morning wide awake toddler!” ALL week getting him up and dressed results in screams that would suggest child abuse.. BUT No.. NOT TODAY! Today it’s a race with the sun! YOU WIN! You are up first.. Your prize…? Here is a pillow PUT YOUR HEAD ON IT AND GO BACK TO SLEEP!! “I wanna watch Mickey Mouse!” “You would!! Ok Ok I’m getting up!!” I guess if I’m up at 5:00 I can start getting things done. Because like my dad once said, “You do what you HAVE to do so you can do what you WANT to do!” (Actually I think I got that from Denzel Washington but my dad always pulls out cheesy motivational crap like that too. You’ll call him when things are crappy and he’ll throw out “Morale and attitude are the fundamentals to success” …Well morale and attitude won’t pay my water bill… I need 500 bucks!) ANYWHO… I’m now up and I am feeling very motivated to conquer each item on my to-do list. To help achieve all my very important to-do list items, (because laundry and picking out a cute outfit is much more important than the formation and foundation of my child’s brain development) I sit my toddler in front of the T.V. and  put on Mickey Mouse. As I’m beginning chores I’m interrupted with. “Momma. Mom. Mommy! Mom. Mom-A!!” “What?” “I want mickey nuggets.” “No, there is a banana on the kitchen counter, you can have that.” I get back in the zone of cleaning when I see my little man walk out of the kitchen with a hand full of melted stuck together marsh mellows and a candy cane.  He asks if I will open the candy cane and I say… well I say yes (push-over) but only AFTER he eats his breakfast. I instruct him to go back in the kitchen, put the marsh mellows down and get the banana. I, trusting that my three year old will promptly follow my directions, continue cleaning the bathroom. A few minutes later I walk out of the bathroom expecting to see my son quietly eating a banana, yet I’m confronted with a very cheerful question “I ate all my marsh mellows!!!! J Will you open the candy cane now!?” DANG YOU!! When I said eat your breakfast I wasn’t referring to the handful of marsh mellows!! I shake my head in disbelief.. I can’t believe my toddler didn’t follow my directions AND would rather eat marsh mellows for breakfast then a healthy choice banana (JK...). Note to self: Add to to-do list: ‘hide marsh mellows and candy from kids,’ and ‘practice listening exercises with kids.’

As the day goes on, I end up adding many more items to the to-do list than I am actually getting done. I just get into one task then I am interrupted due to ‘hide-and-go-seek’ time, ‘story’ time, ‘putting the kids down for a nap’ time, ‘lunch’ time, ‘clean up lunch’ time, ‘Mommy coloring the best Spiderman picture EVER until someone (whose name shall not be mentioned cough Daddy) decided that they needed that particular page to practice the letter ‘B’’ time. There was no feeling of relaxation throughout the day! I did not get a chance to sit and watch my trashy shows… My clothes for the week are poorly ironed because I had busy little boys around and wanted to put the iron away ASAP. I feel more exhausted from this one “day off” then I’ve felt after a long 6 day work week. BUT I’ve decided morale and attitude are the fundamentals to success (Damn you Dad!). I could complain about how I deserve my “me time,” that my kids were acting too much like… well kids (wanting my attention, needing my help, creating messes, having meltdowns, watching and learning my every move) and I couldn’t get all my chores done! OR I could take control over my attitude and decide that I did have many small successes today. Though I did not finish my to-do list I did feel a sense of accomplishment as I drew big fat lines through a couple of items. I addressed a few more items to strive to complete, AND most importantly, I got to spend time with my family. Because I believe with all my heart, my boys will NEVER look back and say “I wish my mom would have spent more time cooking, cleaning and ironing rather than spending time with us.”