GROCERY STORE.... WE MEET AGAIN.

 

I’m legally required to feed my children so the grocery store is a place I must frequent whether either of us (the store and I) are mentally OR physically prepared. (I feel like they see me walk in and grab their phones in anticipation for "clean up on aisle 1!". I often try to plan my grocery shopping when my children are NOT with me but there are times when I must suck it up and venture into battle. Some battles are won and some lost but I have hopes I’ll eventually win the war. I recently went on an errand run with BOTH of my kids.

 

At 7:00 a.m. I woke up feeling overly optimistic, feeling like a bit of a rebel, feeling confident and ambitions… and well…feeling hungry. (There was a time when feeling rebellious involved piercings, hair dye and possibly running from the cops… Today…?  It’s trying to conquer a grocery list with two toddler that really gets the adrenaline flowing.) I feed the kids mickey chicken nuggets and a can of olives for breakfast and we get ready to go. My confidence was high this morning so instead of hitting up the local grocery store, I decided to make the big 25 minute trip to the big city (i.e. Yakima).

 

On the drive up I make a very thorough shopping list in my head. I have it all organized by where the items are located in the store. I do not write it down because I am an intelligent young woman and surely I’m capable of remembering a little shopping. list  HEY LOOK A DEER!!! Damn it! What was on my list again…?! Oh well, I will just wing it. All I know for sure is that we need milk, butter, and bread.

 

Since I cannot remember my grocery list, I decide to go to Target first. It always feels good starting with Target (or Target as I like to call it) because it is a store I don’t particularly HAVE to shop at. But, the first stop is usually the most pleasant with the ol’ off springs, they are not tired or irritated by each others breathing yet. If you go to the stores you HAVE to first then when your kids get inpatient and obnoxious you are more likely to give up on your dreams of wondering the isles of a more leisurely store, and just head home. BUT while your kids are still fresh and smiling if you start with the places you WANT to go… You are more resilient to weather the places you have to go (I came to town for milk… I cannot leave without it!). For example I can tell an old grumpy a-hole at the grocery store.. “Oh I’m sorry are my whining kids irritating you…? I guess they don’t deserve milk and fruit like you and your non-whining old wife!” But when trying on a swim suit at Target its harder to say “Oh I’m sorry are my kids bothering you…? Do I not deserve to try on this cute little two piece while my kids hide between racks tripping old ladies??” Just doesn’t have as much of a ring to it… less “just a mom trying to provide for her family and teach her kids how to overcome temper tantrums in public and more “I’m slightly selfish… a bit lazy… and really need a new swim suit!! “Wow did I get off track there or what??!!

 

ANYWHO… I wonder around Target for a little bit then over to Big Lots. My original plan was to go to Safeway but I have a hereditary disposition to purchase as much as I can for the lowest price possible… “What a great deal on that car!! I’ll take TWO!!” I’m fascinated by BULK, and romanced by low price per item labels, sooooooo I now find myself in a Costco parking lot. Even if I have to buy 2 loaves of bread, 2 huge packages of meat, 3 lbs of cheese, a barrel of mayo, and 2 things of mustard my kids will get 1 sandwich for only 82 cents!! (I don’t bother to calculate how much bread, cheese and meat I end up throwing out because they went bad before we can eat it all… in reality each sandwich probably cost roughly $13.45.) BUT, Costco has two seater shopping carts so with that, the free food samples and the bulk it feels like this mom’s chucky cheese.

 

My kids are over the big city life by this point (i.e. Yakima) BUT (this is when I get on my pedestal) my children deserve good healthy groceries in their household!! And sometimes a mom has to go into a grocery store with grumpy kids to ensure they live a healthy lifestyle!! (See.. you feel more pity and admiration for me trying to just get groceries with hyper screaming kids don’t you? vs a cute new swimsuit while my kids play swords up and down the aisles using clothes hangers)  Ok!! So what was on my list again?? Oh that’s right.. I forgot (thanks to that cute frolicking deer).

 

I buy a fire pit, solar lights, new sweat suits for the boys, new leggings for me, a dress, a blender, new squirt guns, some hats, berries, romaine, croissants’, a who bunch of frozen dinners because I hate to cook. I went back to buy milk but was distracted by paper plates and laundry soap, then went the other way and got diapers, picked up some bread, stopped at all the free sample stands and ended up buying some of that crap too!

 

My cart is full and that shopping cart with two seats sitting RIGHT NEXT to each other, you know the one I was sooooo excited about when we first got here? Well it has now turned into a hitting, pinching, “he’s breathing on me” battle ground for my boys. I am too close to the finish line to turn around and go back from milk and butter so I accept I’ve failed my children and try to get the F out of there!! While the fighting and trying to crawl out of the cart continues through the checkout line, I just smile and talk to the clerk pretending I don’t know the heathens screeching behind him.

 

We some how make it back to the car in one piece and head for home. The good news is the boys are somewhat tired. bad news..? I didn’t get pretty much any of the stuff I needed. I did however learn one valuable lesson, much like my younger days when I would be hungry for an adrenaline rush and a rebellion… it never ever really worked out… soooo next time…? I’ll hire a babysitter… and might need to hire a travel babysitter to monitor me and my shopping as well!!! I do believe there will be a day I go into grocery store and miss having my mini's sitting in the front of the cart. So though it can be crazy I cherish these moments I get with them!

THE IMPERFECT MOMENTS OF MOTHERHOOD

Less than a year ago, when I was a weee little 25 year old just starting life as a working mother of two, I LOVED giving positive advice on how we moms should try to stay in shape! Plan ahead!! Think positive!! Enjoy every minute! BE PERFECT!! Well guess what ya’ll..? I have a confession.. IT’S IMPOSSIBLE!! Dear weee little 25 year old momma… you’re cute!! I mean it’s sweet that you are trying to conquer the world! But you can’t… Sorry… Do not pass go, do not collect $200 (Dang I could have used that 200 bucks for Costco diapers and formula!!)

 

I recently found myself feeling like I was leading a double life. I try to portray to the world/social media/my blog/day to day interactions that I am doing it all and loving every minute!! It’s just not true!! I am frustrated, I am overwhelmed, I am forgetful, I want to do it ALL and do it all WELL but I can’t and that angers me. And work out? HA… my exercise schedule consists of 10-15 squats every time I go to the bathroom at work!! I’m guilty of lashing out at my husband with unreasonable complaints and often feel like my feet are glued to the bottom of a wave pool. As soon as I finally get a gasp of air another waves engulfs my face! I’m never submerged long enough to drown but I’m barely surviving!! So yes we should strive to do better, feel better, be better BUT young mom I would be foolish to not also warn you about the imperfect moments of motherhood. 

Dear young mom, you might get fat… or even unhealthily skinny. You might get stretch marks and imperfections. (No I won’t! NEVER! I won’t let myself!) Yes you will. I don’t know if you know this, but your body created another life, you passed a CHILD not a burrito!! Becoming a mother takes a toll on you physically, and you will no longer have as much free time to work out. Good news is that baby daddy will look like a huge A-hole if he leaves you for getting fat!! J You might not be perfect now or ever again and it’s OK. 

Dear young mom, Plan ahead all you won’t, you WILL still fall behind. Lists and schedules are work, and you won’t always be able to keep them up. Also, planning is based on known variables; unfortunately there are sometimes more unknown variables than known. (LIES.. The only way to survive is by my schedule!! I’ll make it work!!) You WILL fall behind, things won’t get done on time, and it is OK! Try to remember that it is often during the unknown variables that the best memories are created.

Dear young mom, you will not always be able to think positive. You will feel overwhelmed and feel unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. (Because that light is 18 years from now so that is a long freakin’ tunnel!) You will have times where the piles are stacking up around you and you are unable to focus on anything except how badly you are failing. (No, I won’t let myself. I will just remind myself to focus on the positive!!) And you will focus on the positive again, but there will be days you cannot see it. Let yourself experience those feeling, close your eyes, take a deep breath and repeat after me, “you are a good mom, wife, and employee.” Try to take it one step at a time and know ALL moms feel this way at one time, another, or all the time… and it is OK!!

Dear young mom, you will not enjoy every minute. As much as less young mom’s tell you to “enjoy every minute of your kids this age!” (because their child is now a grown hoodlum smokin’ pot and blowing up mail boxes) you will not enjoy every minute! You will feel like you hate your life, kids and body. (OMG! You are bat sh*t crazy.… WHO SAYS THAT? I ADORE MY KIDS!!) Trust me… You will have minutes you hate it all, but you will quickly know you DO NOT by the overwhelming guilt you feel after having those brief thoughts. Try to not beat yourself up for not enjoying every minute. Know you are not alone and all moms feel this way from time to time, and it is OK.

Dear young mom, you will NOT be perfect. You will forget things constantly. You will misplace clothes, papers, toys, and misc. crap. You will get overwhelmed. You will feel like there is not enough time in the day. You house will be a mess. Your body will continue to be victim of gravity and the tolls of motherhood. You will write blogs about being perfect and doing it all than cry tears of frustration that your world is piling up around you and you don’t know where to start (…Or maybe that is just me!! :-/ ). You will lose your cool. You will beat yourself up for not being more patient with your kids. You will feel like you are failing as a mom, wife, friend, and employee.  You will feel like you are failing as the chef, maid, caregiver, manager, personal organizer, and executive problem solver. But you are not! You are the CEO of your household, it is a BIG job. Find peace in the fact that you are doing the best you can, all mom’s feel this way, and it will ALWAYS be OK!!

JUST A MOM AND HER "DAY OFF!"

Thank Goodness! A day off from work! I really need it!!! I have big plans for you Mr. Day Off.. Can I call you Day? I’m going to sleep in, relax and spend some much needed time with my boys! But first I need to get the laundry and dishes done, exercise, pay bills, organize a menu for the week, grocery shop, prep food, unwind with some trashy T.V., pick out my work clothes, iron, organize the boy’s clothes, go buy them new socks and shorts, clean out the fridge, clean the bathroom, clean up outside, and THEN enjoy the outdoors with my boys and most definitely relax with a nice Zen bubble bath.  EEEE I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Tomorrow:

 “Well good morning wide awake toddler!” ALL week getting him up and dressed results in screams that would suggest child abuse.. BUT No.. NOT TODAY! Today it’s a race with the sun! YOU WIN! You are up first.. Your prize…? Here is a pillow PUT YOUR HEAD ON IT AND GO BACK TO SLEEP!! “I wanna watch Mickey Mouse!” “You would!! Ok Ok I’m getting up!!” I guess if I’m up at 5:00 I can start getting things done. Because like my dad once said, “You do what you HAVE to do so you can do what you WANT to do!” (Actually I think I got that from Denzel Washington but my dad always pulls out cheesy motivational crap like that too. You’ll call him when things are crappy and he’ll throw out “Morale and attitude are the fundamentals to success” …Well morale and attitude won’t pay my water bill… I need 500 bucks!) ANYWHO… I’m now up and I am feeling very motivated to conquer each item on my to-do list. To help achieve all my very important to-do list items, (because laundry and picking out a cute outfit is much more important than the formation and foundation of my child’s brain development) I sit my toddler in front of the T.V. and  put on Mickey Mouse. As I’m beginning chores I’m interrupted with. “Momma. Mom. Mommy! Mom. Mom-A!!” “What?” “I want mickey nuggets.” “No, there is a banana on the kitchen counter, you can have that.” I get back in the zone of cleaning when I see my little man walk out of the kitchen with a hand full of melted stuck together marsh mellows and a candy cane.  He asks if I will open the candy cane and I say… well I say yes (push-over) but only AFTER he eats his breakfast. I instruct him to go back in the kitchen, put the marsh mellows down and get the banana. I, trusting that my three year old will promptly follow my directions, continue cleaning the bathroom. A few minutes later I walk out of the bathroom expecting to see my son quietly eating a banana, yet I’m confronted with a very cheerful question “I ate all my marsh mellows!!!! J Will you open the candy cane now!?” DANG YOU!! When I said eat your breakfast I wasn’t referring to the handful of marsh mellows!! I shake my head in disbelief.. I can’t believe my toddler didn’t follow my directions AND would rather eat marsh mellows for breakfast then a healthy choice banana (JK...). Note to self: Add to to-do list: ‘hide marsh mellows and candy from kids,’ and ‘practice listening exercises with kids.’

As the day goes on, I end up adding many more items to the to-do list than I am actually getting done. I just get into one task then I am interrupted due to ‘hide-and-go-seek’ time, ‘story’ time, ‘putting the kids down for a nap’ time, ‘lunch’ time, ‘clean up lunch’ time, ‘Mommy coloring the best Spiderman picture EVER until someone (whose name shall not be mentioned cough Daddy) decided that they needed that particular page to practice the letter ‘B’’ time. There was no feeling of relaxation throughout the day! I did not get a chance to sit and watch my trashy shows… My clothes for the week are poorly ironed because I had busy little boys around and wanted to put the iron away ASAP. I feel more exhausted from this one “day off” then I’ve felt after a long 6 day work week. BUT I’ve decided morale and attitude are the fundamentals to success (Damn you Dad!). I could complain about how I deserve my “me time,” that my kids were acting too much like… well kids (wanting my attention, needing my help, creating messes, having meltdowns, watching and learning my every move) and I couldn’t get all my chores done! OR I could take control over my attitude and decide that I did have many small successes today. Though I did not finish my to-do list I did feel a sense of accomplishment as I drew big fat lines through a couple of items. I addressed a few more items to strive to complete, AND most importantly, I got to spend time with my family. Because I believe with all my heart, my boys will NEVER look back and say “I wish my mom would have spent more time cooking, cleaning and ironing rather than spending time with us.”

ARE WE THERE YET....?!

Traveling with one kid was sometimes bad enough, but now traveling with two...? OMG!! Every day I somehow miraculously manage to get the boys in the car and to daycare! Ok I only have two kids I know people have more kids and pets that they somehow get ready and taken care of in the morning… but my two still make me feel like I conquered a marathon most mornings! Most days I’m battling my toddler to get his shoes and coat on and in the car, (recently giving in to letting him bring random toys to daycare—sorry Carri… I am weak!), I’m pleading/bribing the baby to please not cry by giving him toys and binkies (he cries anyway, he hates the car!) BUT it is only a 5 minute trip so I get through it, the way you get through any stressful situation… I put a little Bailey’s in my morning coffee and eat a special brownie!! (Rule #3 totally joking…I don’t put Bailey’s in my coffee.)

So I’ve conquered (or survive) the 5 minutes to and from daycare, but long distance traveling…? Well it is even more eventful than my morning routine (if you could imagine that.) and with the holiday season we are sure to add some memories to our crazy traveling adventures. When we had just one kid it was a lot of packing yes, and a few extra stops but as one parent was driving the other could keep the kid entertained, but with two, (and now with the oldest now potty trained… i.e. Trained to potty pretty much as soon as he tells you he has to go!!) preparing mentally and physically has been much more difficult!! 

First of all, packing for a weekend trip… you’d think we were leaving for months!!  (I know I’ve worried my sissy that we were movin’ in when I’ve taken 4 trips to the car and back and unloaded 9 bags into her spare room….OR I guess I unload the bags all throughout her house and pretty much take over all her space during the short time we are there! Sorry ‘bout that!) With the bumbos, pumps, extra clothes, snacks, rice cereal, coats, shoes, diapers, wipes, toys, movies, ice chest for frozen bottles…blah blah blah the list goes on and on!! It is a good thing we got a bigger car… otherwise we would have to paper rock it to decide which kid would get left at home with a water dish and money for pizza. 

So the packing is one thing but trying to plan the best travel time based on feeding schedules, nap times, and happy hour is quite difficult!! On a recent trip to Seattle we decide to leave after work! Ahhh perfect! We can eat on the way feed Brody before we leave (unrealistically hoping that would hold him over until we got there! HA! Because clearly by the looks of Mr. 98 percentile he is ok with skipping a few meals!) Yeah great plan…UNTIL Becks throws a fit because he doesn’t want to stop…stopping to eat dinner just REALLY pissed Brody off that he didn’t get to eat and the last half of the trip ended with me wedged between a large car seat and an even larger car seat, playing ABC games on my iPhone with my toddler and nursing my baby (Mom, don’t worry I didn’t get Brody out of the car seat… I simply just leaned over the car seat and fed him!! It’s ok it’s safe… I saw Kourtney Kardashian do it once!!)

While in Seattle we had to make a mini trip down to Olympia. Something magical happened on the way back from this adventure. BOTH KIDS WERE ASLEEP AT THE SAME TIME!!! UGGGHH Why do they have to do this to me now… We were supposed to stop to see a friend. A good friend… a GREAT FRIEND!!! This friend may very well be my last chance to ever be asked to be a bridesmaid!! I have to stop and remind her how good of friends we are. I share my dilemma with my husband who basically tells me that is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard and we can’t stop because they boys will be grumpy pants the rest of the day if we do. Uggghhh FINE!! I continue to lecture my husband how this is ALL HIS FAULT!! If I wasn’t so smitten with your charm and good looks at age 15 maybe I could have built stronger and more bridesmaid worthy female relationships… DAMN YOU HUBBY FOR MAKING ME ALWAYS A BRIDE AND NEVER A BRIDESMAID!! 

On the way home we decide leaving during naptime will definitely be the best strategy. WRONG-O!!! Yeah.. that was a great idea until we stopped for gas and my hubby got a hankering for some sushi. The combination of the two stops was too much downtime for the boys to stay asleep. We were forced to bribe Becks to stay happily in his car seat for the next two hours with funyuns and bug juice! (Parents of the year right here!!) This bribery worked out well until Becks shouts from the back.. I GOTTA GO POTTY!! And anyone who has a three year old knows, when they say they gotta go… you can tell them to just hold it for the next 40 minutes until you can make it to a clean and well lite secure location and they will be perfectly able and happy to do so… HA!! JK you have about 3 minutes!!! We take the next exit and find ourselves at a shady dark dirty gas station. The bathroom is in a dark corner in the back… it has a loud toilet and a loud hand dryer (those thing even scare me!). While we are waiting our turn Becks tells me he’s scared and doesn’t want to go in there (ME EITHER DUDE!) My quick thinking self does what any mom would in this situation...I lied to him!!! “Beckham… this is a super hero bathroom!! Only super heroes can use it!” That gets him in the door but he is still freaked out by the toilet and now confesses to having to go poo poo too!! Oh man well now for sure we aren’t leaving…he is not getting back in my car until he gos. “Ohh this is a super hero toilet too… If you go poo poo in this toilet it will make you a super hero!!!” Pretty sure I just told my son even his poop is super… Oh no is that the same as like teaching your kids ‘your sh*t don’t stink!’ Did I just teach my son he is better than everyone else? “I DID IT MAMA!” Ohhh well it worked!!! :-)

 

So traveling as a family of four is definitely different and vacations are not so much as vacations but test to our patients, planning, packing, and organization skills BUT… they are way more fun and eventful to say the least!! So I look forward to the crazy, stressful, exciting travels to come!! So I wish all of you my fellow super hero moms, dads, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers and any other travelers this holiday season to enjoy every moment you get out and about. And REMEMBER next time you are to your breaking point, pulled over on the side of the road with a baby blow out, you’re out of wipes, your toddler is pissed you won’t let him have his toy back that he threw at your and landed in blow out-poopy mess so he’s opening a present that isn’t his to try and find it and it’s pouring down rain…… You will never get these days back!!!!! So try to enjoy them as much as you can!!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

SAFE TRAVELS!!